Translated, the poster says: "Refuse to have sexual relationships with older men."

OneLove Kwasila recently asked online readers for suggestions on how to deal with the problem of young men and women having sugar mummies/sugar daddies.

These were some of their answers:

1. End or reduce poverty

“There is only one reason why a young person will date a sugar mummy/daddy-money. So creating a better economy, more jobs for the young folks so that they can take care of their financial needs will help reduce the problem,” says Anietie Idim.

Julianne Sakupwanya Sitwala notes that steps should also be taken to encourage young people to be educated, so that they can gain access to higher-paying jobs.

2. Instil strong values

Joanne Zwana Sensenta says the inter-generational relationships are not driven by poverty. “It ain’t about poverty; its lack of self respect, pride and dignity and brains! If one really wanted money en surely had one of the above he/she would go bout it the right way even if its being a maid or garden boy because that isn’t dirty money. I think there are students who are still getting their parents’ support but they need more money to keep up with the rich and popular girls at school. So poverty? I really don’t think so.”

Michelo Simuyandi says the problem is more complicated, because young people are drawn to these relationships for different reasons. Yes, the reasons include the need for money, but they also include ego and proof of being attractive to younger or older people. “One has to deal with the person as a whole and try to instil values that will protect either group from getting into such relationships.”

Ignatius Mkanga Tembo agrees, saying that we should give young people a feeling of self-worth and economically empower them, so that they are confident and have the skills to find other ways to make money.

3. Limit the opportunities for young people to meet with sugar mummies/daddies

Ian Mulenga Kalolo suggests that young men and women under 18 should not be allowed into bars, where they could potentially socialise with sugar mummies /sugar daddies. It should be noted that laws like that already exist, and that young people and/their partners circumvent them. [In SA, Soul City is currently running a campaign called Phuza Wize, which encourages people to drink safe and live safe. Some of the activities include ensuring that underage people are not allowed into drinking places, and that trading hours are respected.]

4. Teach them to respect themselves, men and women

Having strong values empowers young people to make smarter, healthier decisions

“When I was growing up my parents taught us values like respecting men and women older than myself, what relationships one could or could not have, where to draw the line and who to report to if an older person tried to take advantage of you,” says Jossy Phiri.

Such guidance helps protect young people from getting into relationships that could harm them, so does the knowledge and fear of God, he says.

“It’s a pity the young people these days say, “Age is just a number; I can handle you”, without batting an eyelid. Our culture of respect and family honour has been eroded by what we see in the media. It’s so powerful that it shapes a nation’s subconscious over time.

Sheila Kaumba says parents should their children all they need and teach them good morals.
“When they are all grown up, they’ll respect themselves, their parents and God,” she says.

Fiona Nsalamuka adds that young people should also be taught to be content with what they have while they are still young, so that they do not envy others and take extra-ordinary steps like having sugar daddies/sugar mummies to keep up with other people.

5. Discourage laziness

John Chinode says young people can sometimes be lazy and take advantage of their attractiveness to sugar mummies/sugar daddies to make money, rather than actually working for it as they should.

However, Chanje Dahlgaard challenges the notion that having an inter-generational relationship is a bad thing. “Hey! Let’s hold our horses here a bit! It’s not many generations ago when young women in the villages would be given to/married off to elderly men of reputable characters to raise families…! Wasn’t that part of culture? Even in the Bible itself young maidens were married off to the elderly! I guess this ‘sugar mummy/daddy’ syndrome has its roots from way back in history and has been around for quite a while huh? Ok…back then, they got married; maybe that’s where the difference is?”

6. Adults should dress appropriately

Peter Chileshe Kasengele voted that older people stop dressing up to look attractive to young people. “Sugar mummies dress like 16 year olds and I think if we go back to our roots, where older people dressed appropriately, they will look less attractive and young men will look for partners who are within their age range.

Some people argued that it was not wrong to have a sugar daddy/sugar mummy, while others thought the situation should be treated on a case by case basis.

“Is it so wrong to go out with a sugar daddy? We should be careful not to judge because he who said, “Do not commit adultery” also said do not judge others,” Charles Kalichelo

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