OneLove Kwasila recently asked people on Facebook if there is any one thing that makes it difficult to have one partner and to remain faithful to that partner.

Some readers said that there is no one thing that can make it hard to have one sexual partner, as long as one is determined enough.

“There is nothing hard about having one partner. Lust, selfishness and greed is what makes Pipo to have so many partners,” says Winji April Paseli.

Melba Dilema agrees. She says: “There’s no excuse as to why one can not stick to one person. I believe that if you are tired of your partner, you should tell the person rather than cheating on him/her. It’s not easy but it’s a better way to handle the situation.
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Nathan Busumani says: “It all starts in the mind, Pipo. If you kill it there then, it won’t be difficult when you face the challenge physically,”

There were readers who even ridicule the very idea that being faithful is difficult at all. “Stupidity is the only thing that would make it hard to have one partner,” says Angie.

However, most of the readers isted things that they saw as potential obstacles to a happy, faithful relationship:

1. Culture

“The prevailing culture causes peer pressure which makes it difficult (not impossible) to have just one partner,” says Tasila  Mwale.

2. Sexual denial, lust and material benefits

Francis Kanyanta Chilufya says sexual denial from your partner, selfishness [ in the sense of having the relationship because you want to and don't consider the best interests of your partner], greed [ where your concurrent relationship is about material benefits] and lust are also contributors.

3. Environment that make it easy to cheat

Alcohol lowers sexual inhibitions, making you do things you would normally not do

Chanje Dahlgaard cites big events like the 2010 World Cup Soccer, where people travel to another country and what they do there can be kept a secret. Also, there is a party spirit, lots of liquor and women willing to exchange sex for fun or favours, adds Kawuwa Shimwape Simwawa.

“It all depends on your lifestyle. You need to stay true in places where temptations arise and make sure that you stay with your woman. Booze and women are just a recipe for disaster and no man, no matter how much is love he is can deny that we put ourselves in position to make big mistakes. I don’t really blame us, we’ve got that weakness. So we can blame it on booze but to avoid that lets t do the less risky type of fun.”

However, Melba disagrees with Kawuwa. She says: “Kawuwa, we all know men are weaklings but trying to blame their actions on booze is lame. We all have functioning brains. No excuses!”

4. Lack of self-discipline

Grace Bwalya Mwale says all we need is self-discipline to be able to remain faithful to our partners.

5. Men and women blame each other

Many of the men who commented on the forum blamed women for making it difficult for them to be faithful to their partners.

Timothy Sikunona Hamooya says while he does not support having multiple concurrent partners, women make it hard for him to be faithful, as they are too willing to hook up with a man even though they know that the man already has another partner or he’s married.

“Girls are the cause,” declared Kelvin Damien Kangel, with Pinzya Pablo Sikasula supporting that statement with “Women are sex addicts and would do anything just to get a man who has money.”

Namushi Josie was more polite about his blaming women, but still… “Offers from those [women] that are hard to turn down make it difficult to be faithful to one partner,” he says.

However, some of the women taking part in the discussion did not take the blame lying down, and were also eager to pass the blame to the men.

“The audacity to blame women! Men are just as responsible as women when it comes this,” said Melba. She adds: “Men cheat for the same reason that dogs lick their balls… because they can. As for women the attractiveness of money and lack of attention from their partners sometimes pushes them to find other partners.”

“The selfishness of our men makes it difficult for them to be faithful! They are never content with what they have,” says Cynthia Chisangano.

But Kampamba Mubanga Mubanga soon put the blame game to rest. “There goes the blame game! We should all take responsibility, directly or indirectly. Is booze an excuse for an unbearable wife or hubby? Take stock, you may drive your partner right into someone else’s arms!”

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