Why Would A Beautiful, Successful Woman Have An Affair With A Married Man?
Why would a beautiful, successful woman choose to have an affair with a mariied man, when it seems many single men would give their right arm to be with her?
We see it on a regular basis: a beautiful, successful woman who seems to have it all has an affair with a married man; maybe even has a child with him. And many people assume that she is simply being selfish: she saw what she wanted, went and took it. Yet, life is never that simple. Could there be other reasons why a successful woman would choose to share a man?
Remember: having multiple concurrent partners increases your risk of getting HIV.
I say lonely and thinks she wants no commitment, but I think it differs from person to person there is no hard and fast rule and there is a degree of selfishness in it – both parties take a decision not to care at the time about the damage they will cause to the others attached.
My BIL used to joke that a harnessed horse is easier to catch. I think this is also true in a sense – a man who ‘can commit’ is very attractive.
BUT though she plays a part in the cheat I dont get why often society focus most of the blame on her – she was not cheating on her partner, she did not break a trust, she is not the one the wife has a commitment with.
@Barb – I guess what i’m trying to get at is, why would she choose the mess and fuss, and risk getting HIV, when it seems to me she has the power and resources to get a single monogamous man to commit to her?
I think they dont really think it all through and just see up to where they want to so often it is considered less mess and fuss especially if she is not wanting commitment just sex – I think like the wife the women having the affair dont think the guy is sleeping with anyone other than her and the wife (depends on what is told to her) so to them there is less risk of HIV with a married man than a single guy who could have a different partner every night. In a previously monogamous relationship she would probably be the risk of being the cause of HIV not the man.
I dont know as people tell ourselves all sorts of lies in order to validate our actions.
i feel most single men fear a woman who is successfull unlike the marrieds who just have another one for fun and most married men would prefer a successful wom coz they know she is capable of doing everything on her own hence they will not loose much on her as it is just fun. Single men wants to have someone they can control and show their supremancy in everything which can not happen in a woman who is successful.
Women have affairs because they are trying to steal someone. all women want a straight forward open relationship with a great guy who rocks their world. She is just not able to make a better catch that is why she is feeding on someone’s hard work. She is sucessful but socially brainless! why take left overs. you are always on the receiving end. he tells you when he can meet, he is juggling you. I say they both deserve to die of HIV Aids. The only person I feel for is the poor wife who has committed herself(hopefully) She is going to suffer because of another socially brainless person her husband. If anyone out there is unclear here it is for the last time: Multiplie sexual partners steal your soul! and eventually you die. Affairs are a shortcut to a life of hell. A souless life. If he leaves his wife you will always remember how you met.
There are several factors attached to that. It may be because they love each other though the love may start because of loneliness which because of his presence in her life can develop love.
Not all marriages are working, some are marriges of inconvenience ( that is to say, they married each other either because of pregnancy or there was something that forced them apart from Love) and some are experiencing erosion of love. If it was only love that forces people to get married that could have been ok.
Who said that the good things are not meant to be shared? The world has more ladies than men and you want the single ladies to be lonely and single for the rest of their life? Sometimes ladies give up on looking for their own men because of wat i hav already said.
I think there are many factors that cause a beautiful, intelligent woman to be with a married man. We can assume to understand what goes on in another woman’s head to make her accept an offer from a married man. But the fact is just like the men who seek mistresses, there often is not a valid reason besides human behaviour. None of us is immune to the effects of such behaviour from our African men. There is no way to stop a man from choosing such a woman the same way there is no way to stop her from preying on married men. It is simply a fact of life. Everyone wants someone to love. Some women dont mind if that someone is already in a commitment. At the end of the day we have to raise our sons to understand that it is not their right to have multiple partners. They must not have a sense of entitlement when it comes to partnerships with women. We must raise our daughters to believe that they deserve to be the only woman in a relationship. They must be taught that there is a better way to achieve one’s goals and dreams than through a ‘sugar daddy’. Our generation is lost but we can save the next one. Finally we must be careful about judgement regarding HIV. It is not a disease that we must wish on each other because such attitudes will ensure that it is never eradicated. Remember that many people get AIDS without ever having cheated on a spouse. No one deserves to die. It is not our place to condemn each other. Only our God can do that. However, since the number one method of transmission is through sexual relations (whether with one person or many) let us stay vigilant and as women insist that our partners are faithful. Take your lives into your own hands. Even if you are married and you suspect infidelity, you must be tested for the sake of your children. Do not sit back and wait for death and illness to come to you. There is another way, a better way to live. Let us be empowered through knowledge.
I think some women have affairs with married men for the thrill of it, the adventure, the fun. There’s a certain amount of excitement in sneaking around, trying to make sure they don’t get caught. The girlfriend/mistress enjoys herself only when she’s with her married partner. When she is alone, she feels lonely, inadequate, inferior, and like what she is – cheap!
The girlfriend/mistress also feels angered or bitter, which leads her to sleep around with other men. She justifys it by saying her married lover has a wife, so why not? She then puts the husband and his wife in jeopardy of contracting a STD or HIV.
The husband usually never leaves the wife and the girlfriend/mistress just gets strung along with a bunch of lies and promises. Eventually numerous years pass by and the girlfriend/mistress may wake up and realize what’s she’s been doing with her life and how she sold herself short.
It is basically cause of the low self esteem or doubt. Firstly i think that once a succesful woman dates a married men she is looking for that fullfillment that she cant get from a boyfriend. secondly seeing that maybe her friend are happy with their man she thinks that married man are good whereas that is wrong cause i believe that one brings happiness to themselfs and going out with a married man can be the worst thing she can ever do cause even if he promises to leave his wife for you i bet it would take time or never happen and thirdly if he can cheat on his wife and actually leave her,what makes you think he won’t do the same to you? when one wants a good make its up to her to make him.
We woman we don’t want to be realistic sometimes,we know that there is HIV ou there and weknow its easy for us to be infected because of our vaginal tisseus but we still want to hve multiple partners.Open up your mind,be strong and be proud that you are a woman don’t let the cheaters ge into you.If you’re negetive stay negative and if you positive just be strong and join the support groups.Lets test now and not wait for our bodies to be sick VCT is free and you friend with HIV is still your friend.
It’s difficult to keep from falling in love with someone even if they are married. You tell yourself that he loves you & cares about you. BS Any man who cheats on his wife is usually a serial cheater, they do it because they can. The more affluent the man the more opportunities to cheat. From experience never sleep with a married man. Don’t commit adultery, it’s one of the commandments. There will always be consequences to disobedience to God. Ask for forgiveness. Turn your life over to him and see what God will respond to you, his willingness to forgive, his love & his promise to give you a life worth living
I have come accross ladies as described who complain they are not dated. It looks like men shun away from successful women. I actually have interacted with several men on this and are about to send it for publication. One of the reasons being that culturally men expect to be superior in all family spheres. Then to date someone who is already successful is a challenge cos they believe she will be too busy to attend to them apart from looking down upon the man who is a bit lower.They also fear they may not be able to meet her socio economic demands(assuming she’ll be high demanding according to her social class). So since African society often expects men to propose, such a successful woman has less say to propose single men and as such accepts who comes into her sight, even if married.
If I am standing on a podium telling people to be faithful, it should also start with me.That way we can all, in our differensial lives start making the difference.
- Beatrice Tonhodzayi, Programme Officer-Media for SAfAIDS, Zimbabwe
When I decided to marry my wife, I had other girlfriends. That won't change. The only change is that she is my wife, she stays home and I will keep my other girlfriends. I keep it away from her that I have other girlfriends.
A 26 year old Tanzanian woman says:
Maybe he thinks that after marrying me I can’t fall in love with another man. Right now I have two and if a third and fourth comes my way I am not going to say "No."
No Secrets And Lies
If you love someone you will protect and respect them by not having another secret partner. Secrets don't protect.
13 Comments
I say lonely and thinks she wants no commitment, but I think it differs from person to person there is no hard and fast rule and there is a degree of selfishness in it – both parties take a decision not to care at the time about the damage they will cause to the others attached.
My BIL used to joke that a harnessed horse is easier to catch. I think this is also true in a sense – a man who ‘can commit’ is very attractive.
BUT though she plays a part in the cheat I dont get why often society focus most of the blame on her – she was not cheating on her partner, she did not break a trust, she is not the one the wife has a commitment with.
@Barb – I guess what i’m trying to get at is, why would she choose the mess and fuss, and risk getting HIV, when it seems to me she has the power and resources to get a single monogamous man to commit to her?
I think they dont really think it all through and just see up to where they want to so often it is considered less mess and fuss especially if she is not wanting commitment just sex – I think like the wife the women having the affair dont think the guy is sleeping with anyone other than her and the wife (depends on what is told to her) so to them there is less risk of HIV with a married man than a single guy who could have a different partner every night. In a previously monogamous relationship she would probably be the risk of being the cause of HIV not the man.
I dont know as people tell ourselves all sorts of lies in order to validate our actions.
i feel most single men fear a woman who is successfull unlike the marrieds who just have another one for fun and most married men would prefer a successful wom coz they know she is capable of doing everything on her own hence they will not loose much on her as it is just fun. Single men wants to have someone they can control and show their supremancy in everything which can not happen in a woman who is successful.
Women have affairs because they are trying to steal someone. all women want a straight forward open relationship with a great guy who rocks their world. She is just not able to make a better catch that is why she is feeding on someone’s hard work. She is sucessful but socially brainless! why take left overs. you are always on the receiving end. he tells you when he can meet, he is juggling you. I say they both deserve to die of HIV Aids. The only person I feel for is the poor wife who has committed herself(hopefully) She is going to suffer because of another socially brainless person her husband. If anyone out there is unclear here it is for the last time: Multiplie sexual partners steal your soul! and eventually you die. Affairs are a shortcut to a life of hell. A souless life. If he leaves his wife you will always remember how you met.
There are several factors attached to that. It may be because they love each other though the love may start because of loneliness which because of his presence in her life can develop love.
Not all marriages are working, some are marriges of inconvenience ( that is to say, they married each other either because of pregnancy or there was something that forced them apart from Love) and some are experiencing erosion of love. If it was only love that forces people to get married that could have been ok.
Who said that the good things are not meant to be shared? The world has more ladies than men and you want the single ladies to be lonely and single for the rest of their life? Sometimes ladies give up on looking for their own men because of wat i hav already said.
I think there are many factors that cause a beautiful, intelligent woman to be with a married man. We can assume to understand what goes on in another woman’s head to make her accept an offer from a married man. But the fact is just like the men who seek mistresses, there often is not a valid reason besides human behaviour. None of us is immune to the effects of such behaviour from our African men. There is no way to stop a man from choosing such a woman the same way there is no way to stop her from preying on married men. It is simply a fact of life. Everyone wants someone to love. Some women dont mind if that someone is already in a commitment. At the end of the day we have to raise our sons to understand that it is not their right to have multiple partners. They must not have a sense of entitlement when it comes to partnerships with women. We must raise our daughters to believe that they deserve to be the only woman in a relationship. They must be taught that there is a better way to achieve one’s goals and dreams than through a ‘sugar daddy’. Our generation is lost but we can save the next one. Finally we must be careful about judgement regarding HIV. It is not a disease that we must wish on each other because such attitudes will ensure that it is never eradicated. Remember that many people get AIDS without ever having cheated on a spouse. No one deserves to die. It is not our place to condemn each other. Only our God can do that. However, since the number one method of transmission is through sexual relations (whether with one person or many) let us stay vigilant and as women insist that our partners are faithful. Take your lives into your own hands. Even if you are married and you suspect infidelity, you must be tested for the sake of your children. Do not sit back and wait for death and illness to come to you. There is another way, a better way to live. Let us be empowered through knowledge.
I think some women have affairs with married men for the thrill of it, the adventure, the fun. There’s a certain amount of excitement in sneaking around, trying to make sure they don’t get caught. The girlfriend/mistress enjoys herself only when she’s with her married partner. When she is alone, she feels lonely, inadequate, inferior, and like what she is – cheap!
The girlfriend/mistress also feels angered or bitter, which leads her to sleep around with other men. She justifys it by saying her married lover has a wife, so why not? She then puts the husband and his wife in jeopardy of contracting a STD or HIV.
The husband usually never leaves the wife and the girlfriend/mistress just gets strung along with a bunch of lies and promises. Eventually numerous years pass by and the girlfriend/mistress may wake up and realize what’s she’s been doing with her life and how she sold herself short.
@ana – you describe a frightening cycle which may be a big contributor to the spread of HIV.
It is basically cause of the low self esteem or doubt. Firstly i think that once a succesful woman dates a married men she is looking for that fullfillment that she cant get from a boyfriend. secondly seeing that maybe her friend are happy with their man she thinks that married man are good whereas that is wrong cause i believe that one brings happiness to themselfs and going out with a married man can be the worst thing she can ever do cause even if he promises to leave his wife for you i bet it would take time or never happen and thirdly if he can cheat on his wife and actually leave her,what makes you think he won’t do the same to you? when one wants a good make its up to her to make him.
We woman we don’t want to be realistic sometimes,we know that there is HIV ou there and weknow its easy for us to be infected because of our vaginal tisseus but we still want to hve multiple partners.Open up your mind,be strong and be proud that you are a woman don’t let the cheaters ge into you.If you’re negetive stay negative and if you positive just be strong and join the support groups.Lets test now and not wait for our bodies to be sick VCT is free and you friend with HIV is still your friend.
It’s difficult to keep from falling in love with someone even if they are married. You tell yourself that he loves you & cares about you. BS Any man who cheats on his wife is usually a serial cheater, they do it because they can. The more affluent the man the more opportunities to cheat. From experience never sleep with a married man. Don’t commit adultery, it’s one of the commandments. There will always be consequences to disobedience to God. Ask for forgiveness. Turn your life over to him and see what God will respond to you, his willingness to forgive, his love & his promise to give you a life worth living
I have come accross ladies as described who complain they are not dated. It looks like men shun away from successful women. I actually have interacted with several men on this and are about to send it for publication. One of the reasons being that culturally men expect to be superior in all family spheres. Then to date someone who is already successful is a challenge cos they believe she will be too busy to attend to them apart from looking down upon the man who is a bit lower.They also fear they may not be able to meet her socio economic demands(assuming she’ll be high demanding according to her social class). So since African society often expects men to propose, such a successful woman has less say to propose single men and as such accepts who comes into her sight, even if married.