10 Comments

1. small business grants
   Posted September 7, 2010 at 4:08 am | Permalink

   nice post. thanks.

2. Neha
   Posted September 18, 2010 at 10:14 am | Permalink

   please

3. Vijay
   Posted October 5, 2010 at 10:41 am | Permalink

   My partner do not satisfies me fully, but for that I am happy because getting fully satisfied by different sexual acts will bring early death because of reduction in strength.

4. Damaria Senne
   Posted October 5, 2010 at 10:51 am | Permalink

   @vijay – that must be a myth, cos as far as I know, sexual satisfaction does not kill.

5. Sunil
   Posted October 5, 2010 at 11:23 pm | Permalink

   Though I am not at all sexually satisfied with my wife, I love her as she is a mother of my kids.

   For me, it is more than enough

6. ilse
   Posted October 7, 2010 at 1:33 pm | Permalink

   I have been in a relationship for 5 yrs and we have a 2 year old, we’ve been staying together since our son was born. he’s a great father and great partner.He recently told me that he wants to stay alone now and he doesnt think he’s ready for marriage,tells me he’s confused and he doesnt know what he wants.he says he needs some time to clear his mind and see what he exactly wants and his views on relationships in general.I realy love him but looks like he’s messing me around a bit, maybe he doesnt love me anymore and just trying to get rid of me.i am about to move out with my baby and let him stay alone so he can make up he’s mind.he says he wants to make it work but doesnt want to stay with me for now untill we marry (if we do marry but he cannot promise). He says at the same time that he doesnt want me to wait for him just incase it doen’t happen between us.

   SHOULD I WAIT FOR HIM??

   REGARDS
   ILSE

7. damaria
   Posted October 7, 2010 at 2:00 pm | Permalink

   Hi Ilse
   You say, ” he says he doesn’t want me to wait for him just in case it doesn’t happen between us.”
   THAT is your answer to the question about whether you should wait or not. I think you don’t like that version, and you want to convince yourself that he will find out over time that he still loves you and the two of you will get back together and be happy again. for now, HE DOES NOT SEE IT HAPPENING. And if it does happen, you will have continued to live your life and been a more fulfilled person, than if you put the breaks on your life ( like Sleeping Beauty) waiting for a prince to wake you up.

   Also keep in mind that your partner is an adult; so he should know himself and his feelings well enough to be able to tell. So listen to him; let him go, no matter how painful it is for you. Holding onto him without his encouragement and consent will only hurt you, especially if and when he does move on and it’s not with you.

   I also get the feeling that you’re still trying trying to work out what happened. You say he was a great partner and father, until he asked for this space. The thing is, whatever it is that brought him to this point, you couldn’t do anything about it because he did not tell you about the problem at the beginning. He did not ask for your help as your partner and he did not give you the chance for the two of you to work through the issues. So don’t blame yourself and wonder if you could have prevented the problem.

   He says he’s confused and he’s not ready for marriage. He could be telling the truth, or he could be messing you around. Only he knows. What he is saying is that he’s not ready for marriage to you right now. And he doesn’t know if he will ever be ready for marriage to you. So he wants space to find out ( and that could involve dating other people; getting into relationships with other people). Basically, whatever you put on the table is not enough.
   And yes, that hurts, to find out that someone you’re involved with and whom you love deeply may want more than you. It dosn’t mean you’re inadequate, please. It just means, as he says, he’s confused. Or he doesn’t appreciate a good thing when he has it.

   But it’s good of him that he’s so honest with you about his position on your relationship, and he is releasing you from the relationship, rather than cheating on you.

   Finding out that the relationship s not working in that manner would have hurt more, and ultimately, been more risky ( in terms of HIV, STIs etc). And it would have been more emotionally destructive.
   I hope that this gets you thinking…

8. paida
   Posted October 7, 2010 at 4:42 pm | Permalink

   men come in different colors-blue, yellow, green, pink..you name them..but my man is mine and iam his, i can not cheat not because i havent met those oh la las but-because i love my man and am committed to him. i cant do it because i would he would be hurt and i dont like to hurt my better half. its not healthy for both me and him coz we are one..in many ways than one. i cant cheat on him because i believe cheatiing is for only those who are losers ( allow me to use this) i have what i need no need o look somewhere else…

9. ilse
   Posted October 13, 2010 at 1:36 pm | Permalink

   thanx for the advise damaria

   I think i should let him go and it is soo painful, i lose my breath just by thinking of spending my life without him. and worse i never imagined raising my baby alone, he says he will be there and seeing the baby everyday and financially he’s going to take care of him. he suggests that i stay around his area so that he can be a good support system to the baby and personally i think that will be more hurting for me, i cannot imagine meeting him around the corner with another woman.personally the way i see it is like he wants to have his cake and eat it.

10. Damaria Senne
    Posted October 13, 2010 at 7:22 pm | Permalink

    Do what’s best for you and your baby first. You guy’s needs should come second. And if what will help you heal is get a bit of distance from him, then get the distance.

    But also keep in mind that your child does need to know his father, and balancing your needs with your child’s is going to be a challenge.