During our research on multiple and concurrent partnerships, some men said that they have other sexual relationships because they want to “preserve” their partners or wives at home.
They also said that a wife should be respected and not be subjected to new or different sexual styles. For example, a respectful husband would not ask his wife to have oral sex with him. Instead, he would find other women, who he owes no respect, to experiment sexually with them.
“You see, the biggest thing is that when you love someone, I mean, truly love someone; it goes with being afraid to disappoint them, or to put them off. You don’t want to do just anything with them. So you go off and find someone you can treat like rubbish on the side. In the relationship you are afraid and full of respect. She doesn’t even undress in front of you, and you have to ask her for sex. But with isitshipana [a cheap thrill on the side], you can just say, look, man, I want this,” says a 28-40 year old man from KwaZulu-Natal in South Africa.
We also spoke with women who said they could not complain if their husbands came home late because it shows a lack of respect to question your husband over his actions.
Other women said that they could not tell their husbands what they wanted sexually out of “respect,” for them. So they found other sexual partners who they could tell about their sexual feelings and needs.
“Sometimes we (woman) are afraid to make the first moves on our husbands even when we want sex. This may increase the spread of HIV because the woman may end up having other relationships. I think our culture also contributes here because we’ve been socialised to believe that the man has to make the first move. Even if he makes that move once a month you have to wait for him yet you feel that you want it,” said a 30-year-old Swazi woman.
Think about this:
Are you doing things that you think show respect for your partner, but which in reality prevent you from having a sexually fulfilling life with your one love?
If your partner do not talk to you about her sexual needs and simply has sex with you when you want and how you want it, who is she getting sexual satisfaction from?
2 Comments
when you truly love somebody, it is ok to look at other people and to admit that they are good-looking, sometimes even prettier.. sexier than your life partner, but if you truly love your partner, you would not even consider having sex with anybody else.
To be in a relationship means commitment,to be faithful, to talk about problems, to work things out, to say what you want, to realise that a man/woman does not need other people to lead a happy, fulfilled sexual life if you are honest with your partner, you would not know what he/she desires if you do not talk about it honestly.
In our modern life we should not be ashamed to admit our sexual preferences and fantasies, share your life, share your feelings, do not share your body with anybody to whom you cannot commit!
No “sexual high” can compensate for a life with AIDS and knowing you will die because you could not be true to your wife/husband!
Think before you do!!!
Hey Elsie
Thanks for visiting and throwing in your two cents’ worth.