OneLove: Some people may argue that you’re placing unrealistic expectations on your potential first lover. What would you say to that?
Not true. My partner will know that I stick to what I believe in, I am who I am and I’ve loved him enough to wait for him. I’m pretty sure that my partner would be a man that believes in the same values as I believe in. Hence I’m not just dating for the sake of dating but making sure that I’m involved with a man who has the same mindset as me. I wouldn’t go for someone whose slept with the whole of Jo’burg for example, someone with no self control.
OneLove: Have you met guys who tempted to lose your virginity? Maybe they’re so hot you start to wonder why youre depriving yourself, especially as you’re old enough to have sex. How did you deal with the challenge?
Sure I’ve met guys who’ve tempted to lose my virginity but I must say overall I’ve met guys who are gentlemen and some I remain good friends with.
I’m always upfront and honest about my virginity (well I don’t tell every guy I meet) but to those that I see that they could be a potential partner.
I gently and calmly explain to them why I want to remain a virgin and I must say they generally respect that and through our friendship learn who I am, and what I stand for.
OneLove: There are people who’d argue that you face a different challenge from those who are already sexually active, and have decided to have multiple sexual partners. They’d say it’s easy enough for you to say “no” because you don’t know what you’re missing. What would you say to that?
Well I suppose I don’t know what I don’t know but I know this, I value my life. For now I choose to abstain than have protected sex even though it’s the right thing to do. Me being a virgin in is a personal choice. We all have choices. We just have to figure out if we choose wisely, that’s all!
OneLove: Do you believe that a person should have only one love? Explain what one love means to you.
Yes of course. History has continuously shown us that having multiple partners is being reckless with one’s life. Not only does one contract HIV but what about the constant lying and betrayal to the other partner? For me One love means loving myself firstly then being able to love someone else. If I love someone else then I won’t bring them harm.
OneLove: What message do you want young people to take away from this interview?
- To stay true to themselves.
- Go to school, have good fun, travel, stick to good friends, you are still young.
- Participate in Church activities – Engage with fellow youth, involve yourself in activities that will help shape your future in a positive way. There’s so much more to this world than engaging in sex at a oung age.
- If you’ve already having sex take a step back and think wisely, dig deep find out who you are and what you want out of life and relationships then see if you’re still comfortable with having sex at your young age. If you still want to continue to having sex then please protect yourself always, life is precious!
14 Comments
Love it! Thanks for sharing with us.
I waited till I got married (age26) so can identify with this young girl. I was also not oppressed, it was a decision I made after growing up with a sister who was rather naughty in her teen years.
I didn’t want to follow suite, and it’s a conscious decision – no great lightning bolt moment. Just stubbornness – I had my principles and nothing and no-one was going to budge me.
I also remained more ‘innocent’ for more years, perhaps a disadvantage, but I have no regrets. And yes, back in my day it was frowned upon as well.
1st I would like to say I’m proud of you girl. My question is What if the right partner you are waiting for is HIV positive and been living Healthy for 5 years and after Marriage you discover that his been positive for years, What are you going to do? What is your reason for dating? You mentioned that your partner shares the same morals and standards as you, how sure are you that is he is not Positive, did you test before?
Hi
I enjoyed reading your article, she sound a very warm hearted person, friendly but knows what she wants out of life.
That was intersting, its well written, regards Ali
My husband was also my first sexual partner when we married at 26. We’ve had loads of fun exploring sex together and our sexual chemistry is great. Would I encourage my daughter to stay a virgin? Definitely, especially during those turbulent teen years when your emotions run wild and your judgement is often impaired by raging hormones. When you are more comfortable with who you are, the sex has to be great, because everybody knows that confidence is sexy!
Iyo! yah I must say she made it, for 27 years…..
I just hope she does not get disappoint at the time she’ll think its time. Man really don’t care Virgin or Non Virgin they’ll hurt big time anyway.
Especially when they experienced hehehe problem. They want someone who knows her game In bed or else they’ll go get the game else where.
Wena you’ll get down with tears on your pillow when reality kicks in by actions.
I’m happy for her nna, but worried at the same time………………..
That’s a thing. Would she be able to handle pain she never experienced ka monna? That still remains a question.
@Thandi- you’re assuming that she will eventually be hurt by the man she marries. What if she chooses wisely and is happy with him? You’re also assuming that it’s desirable to experience pain in a relationship in order for one to find a partner to be happy with. Isn’t it a plus that she has no emotional baggage?
@ Bongi – I’d worry less, because I think her age makes her more emotionally mature and able to deal with whatever challenges she faces. I don’t know, it feels like we ‘re saying that it’s better for a child to experience relationship probblems, so that when she’s older she has been so battered she starts taking the pain for granted, rather than saying that maybe, our childen should wait until they are adults before they deal with adult relationship issues.
@everyone – there’s alots of input from women, whether they support our interview subject or not. Where are the men? Do they think waiting until you’re married before llosing your virginity is a viable option as a way to have one love and be faithful to that love? Or do they think that an inexperienced women will soon bore her partner, and force him to look for sexual satisfaction elsewhere?
Well thanks all for your responses everyone. I must say the reason I agreed to this interview was to encourage young people to either abstain or condomise and also create debate!
I must say that being a virgin is not about a ‘man’, it is about valuing and respecting yourself. It’s about choice. Guys there are plenty of men and women that we can always date out there and this will never change. What’s important is what I want to do and become.
I’d be naive to think that there are men out there who don’t care and love women as we should be loved. I’d also be naive to think that there are men who don’t care deeply about us women, who don’t adore women for the creation that we are. Guys we were created to be loved, taken care of, respected, acknowledged, I can go on.
Just because we don’t know about these wonderful men doesn’t mean that they don’t exist. There are loving and sincere men who want nothing but the best for women that they are in a relationship with.
Guys I’d also like to mention that sex should not be the one thing that we base our lives on, there’s so much to do, places to see, people to connect with. As long as we subject ourselves to what the world thinks love is, we’ll never be able to live the way we ought to live.
PS. Sex is a journey between two people, minds and souls. Forget the physical pain, what about the painful truth of finding out that one is HIV positive?
thanks
Proud virgin.
Wow, thats very commendable. Having met her I would never have thought it. I think that her bringing out her story should be a great inspiration to the young ones out there. Take a bow…
Whom ever the guy she marries is, he is one lucky man and not bcoz of the virginity part but coz of the person she is.
Much love
Proud Virgin is wise and understands Love in its purest form… Well done Girl… Keep it up! We are proud of you… Love will guide you and Truth will free you. Continue to live by Faith and be optimistic. Maintain a positive attitude about your decision… It will be challenged; however I believe in you. Be free to commit to celibacy until you get married!
I think this whole commitment shows strength of character. No matter what personal beliefs are, it is easy to give way under peer pressure. As one who succumbed when I was barely 18, I regret my decision.
I am very proud of you Porud Virgin. Other people don’t believe that there are still people like you in South Africa, especial ladies , but there still ones. You make me think of taking another direction, there good one which will benefit me.
Let me just incourage my fellow young that,life is what you make,to be a virgin youre not a fool but your buiding up your future.Am also porud with you all girgin.