She’s 27, fun, hip, well on her way up the ladder in the fast-paced world of public relations.
Yet, she chooses to remain a virgin until she meets and marries her life partner.
Read this OneLove interview, and then talk to us about why young people should wait before they become sexually active. Is it realistic to expect young people to wait, when their friends and peers are doing it and by many accounts, sex feels great?
And if you could do over your sexual history, would you have waited a little longer before losing your virginity?
OneLove: Tell us a bit about yourself
I’m God fearing, smart, warm; socially-aware, responsible, love life, confident, I love myself and believe in loving others. I enjoy engaging with others about issues of the world.
OneLove: The other day the subject came up that you are still a virgin and I must say I was very surprised, considering that you are an attractive, outgoing woman who works in an environment most people consider glamorous. Also, in the years that I’ve known you, you’ve never struck me as shy. So what’s up with this virginity gig? How come you haven’t become sexually active?
Well thank you for the lovely compliments D. Well early in my teens I made a choice to not just ‘give it up’, to wait for the right partner. I must say I didn’t plan to be a virgin until my 20s , me wanting to be with THAT wonderful deserving partner was the one thing that made me wait the more.
OneLove: Is staying a virgin a difficult choice to make?
Yes and No.
Yes:
There are pressures in life. I could never pretend that there aren’t. When I was a teenager some of my peers at school for example had boyfriends and they would talk frankly about their escapades with their boyfriends. I must say for a while I dreamt of that life, being in a relationship with an older guy especially, an older guy who had a car, crib and cash and most importantly who was sophisticated. Looking back I kind of think that some of these stories were exaggerated. Teenagers have a competitive streak.
However a part of me then knew that life came at a price, risking falling pregnant, not finishing school, contracting STIs & HIV though back then HIV wasn’t much of an issue because I didn’t know much about it, it was sort of a dirty word, unspoken word. Eventually disappointing my parents who’ve worked hard to make sure that I get a good education,
Also I knew that somehow I would lose the comfort that I had a home and that was daunting. My mother especially was adamant that I would lose all my privileges that a young person receives from their parents and the child would instead benefit.
No:
I always think of the hassle free life that I’m leading, for example I don’t worry about the vigorous check-ups to the Doctor. I don’t worry much about contracting HIV though I choose to educate/empower myself with knowledge about the disease. I ask questions to relevant people, luckily my mother is a Nurse and a HIV & AIDS Counselor, so we talk about issues about life in general. I go out there to find information because I know that when I start having sex this is something that will be of concern to both myself and partner.
I find that I get more time to concentrate on other areas of my life rather than being obsessed if I’m protected or not, I feel free. Also I suppose it’s because I don’t spend my life thinking that I’m a virgin, there’s so much more to life.
Also I must mention that I have two friends that I’ve been friends with since high school, they are still proud virgins. Whenever we’ve got the time we catch-up and chat about challenges we facing daily and about love in general.
OneLove: Does living as a virgin get better with age, or is growing older and more indepedent no help at all?
Get better with age?
LOL! It’s the same for me, it’s nothing new. Physically, mentally and emotionally I’m not the person I was 10 years ago but having said that I still do keep the same values as I’ve always kept. One of my strengths is practising self control and being comfortable in being me.
So I find that I’m able to stick to what I want and that is waiting for the man who will love me and appreciate me for who I am. I’m not easily swayed by what friends get up to, what the media says, what the world says about one’s ‘freedom of expression’ sexually that is, I am who I am and I stick to that. Sometimes it’s not easy but has to be done and I know that sticking to my values is the right thing to do and is worth it even if others don’t see the gain, what matters is that I see it!
OneLove: What are some of the interesting lines guys have tried out on you to try to lose your virginity? How did you respond?
Oh goodness where do I begin? There’s so many!…
Here are some of them::
“well if you loved me you would show me”
“tonight I’d like you to stay over and show me how much you want to be with me, show me that I’m a man”
“You are the girl I’d love to marry, though I think that we should have sex first.”
Here’s my best one so far: “I hope you don’t meet a man who will hurt you and lie to you, I’m not like that…” and then they coax me for sex. I can go on and on D, I find that the older I become the more ‘sophisticated’ the men’s stories become.
14 Comments
Love it! Thanks for sharing with us.
I waited till I got married (age26) so can identify with this young girl. I was also not oppressed, it was a decision I made after growing up with a sister who was rather naughty in her teen years.
I didn’t want to follow suite, and it’s a conscious decision – no great lightning bolt moment. Just stubbornness – I had my principles and nothing and no-one was going to budge me.
I also remained more ‘innocent’ for more years, perhaps a disadvantage, but I have no regrets. And yes, back in my day it was frowned upon as well.
1st I would like to say I’m proud of you girl. My question is What if the right partner you are waiting for is HIV positive and been living Healthy for 5 years and after Marriage you discover that his been positive for years, What are you going to do? What is your reason for dating? You mentioned that your partner shares the same morals and standards as you, how sure are you that is he is not Positive, did you test before?
Hi
I enjoyed reading your article, she sound a very warm hearted person, friendly but knows what she wants out of life.
That was intersting, its well written, regards Ali
My husband was also my first sexual partner when we married at 26. We’ve had loads of fun exploring sex together and our sexual chemistry is great. Would I encourage my daughter to stay a virgin? Definitely, especially during those turbulent teen years when your emotions run wild and your judgement is often impaired by raging hormones. When you are more comfortable with who you are, the sex has to be great, because everybody knows that confidence is sexy!
Iyo! yah I must say she made it, for 27 years…..
I just hope she does not get disappoint at the time she’ll think its time. Man really don’t care Virgin or Non Virgin they’ll hurt big time anyway.
Especially when they experienced hehehe problem. They want someone who knows her game In bed or else they’ll go get the game else where.
Wena you’ll get down with tears on your pillow when reality kicks in by actions.
I’m happy for her nna, but worried at the same time………………..
That’s a thing. Would she be able to handle pain she never experienced ka monna? That still remains a question.
@Thandi- you’re assuming that she will eventually be hurt by the man she marries. What if she chooses wisely and is happy with him? You’re also assuming that it’s desirable to experience pain in a relationship in order for one to find a partner to be happy with. Isn’t it a plus that she has no emotional baggage?
@ Bongi – I’d worry less, because I think her age makes her more emotionally mature and able to deal with whatever challenges she faces. I don’t know, it feels like we ‘re saying that it’s better for a child to experience relationship probblems, so that when she’s older she has been so battered she starts taking the pain for granted, rather than saying that maybe, our childen should wait until they are adults before they deal with adult relationship issues.
@everyone – there’s alots of input from women, whether they support our interview subject or not. Where are the men? Do they think waiting until you’re married before llosing your virginity is a viable option as a way to have one love and be faithful to that love? Or do they think that an inexperienced women will soon bore her partner, and force him to look for sexual satisfaction elsewhere?
Well thanks all for your responses everyone. I must say the reason I agreed to this interview was to encourage young people to either abstain or condomise and also create debate!
I must say that being a virgin is not about a ‘man’, it is about valuing and respecting yourself. It’s about choice. Guys there are plenty of men and women that we can always date out there and this will never change. What’s important is what I want to do and become.
I’d be naive to think that there are men out there who don’t care and love women as we should be loved. I’d also be naive to think that there are men who don’t care deeply about us women, who don’t adore women for the creation that we are. Guys we were created to be loved, taken care of, respected, acknowledged, I can go on.
Just because we don’t know about these wonderful men doesn’t mean that they don’t exist. There are loving and sincere men who want nothing but the best for women that they are in a relationship with.
Guys I’d also like to mention that sex should not be the one thing that we base our lives on, there’s so much to do, places to see, people to connect with. As long as we subject ourselves to what the world thinks love is, we’ll never be able to live the way we ought to live.
PS. Sex is a journey between two people, minds and souls. Forget the physical pain, what about the painful truth of finding out that one is HIV positive?
thanks
Proud virgin.
Wow, thats very commendable. Having met her I would never have thought it. I think that her bringing out her story should be a great inspiration to the young ones out there. Take a bow…
Whom ever the guy she marries is, he is one lucky man and not bcoz of the virginity part but coz of the person she is.
Much love
Proud Virgin is wise and understands Love in its purest form… Well done Girl… Keep it up! We are proud of you… Love will guide you and Truth will free you. Continue to live by Faith and be optimistic. Maintain a positive attitude about your decision… It will be challenged; however I believe in you. Be free to commit to celibacy until you get married!
I think this whole commitment shows strength of character. No matter what personal beliefs are, it is easy to give way under peer pressure. As one who succumbed when I was barely 18, I regret my decision.
I am very proud of you Porud Virgin. Other people don’t believe that there are still people like you in South Africa, especial ladies , but there still ones. You make me think of taking another direction, there good one which will benefit me.
Let me just incourage my fellow young that,life is what you make,to be a virgin youre not a fool but your buiding up your future.Am also porud with you all girgin.