This is the story of a Zimbabwean woman who says that poverty forced her to have multiple concurrent partners. She says:
Long back I used to have one lover at a time. I moved on to have two lovers because my machine was stolen. That machine and my overlocker were my source of money.
The partner that I have… he does not support me. When I told him about my stolen machine he did not take any action. I moved my things from that place to somewhere else.
My first lover did not support me
I was now living in poverty and had no money for rent or food. So it just happened that I came across a man whom I fell in love with at that particular time, whilst I was in that poverty situation. He told me that he would assist me. That’s how I fell in love with him. I’m telling the truth, I usually have one but as I speak I have two.
With my first lover we are in deep love but he doesn’t care whether I have eaten or not, maybe it’s because he is used to seeing me supporting myself by sewing.
He just comes in and eats what I have cooked. But the one who has fallen in love with me whilst I’m in this situation knows that I’m in problems, he is helping me a lot. So I just see love in him.
The one who is supporting me knows that I have someone else besides him. The old guy is not aware that there is another guy. I have not experienced any problem with it.
At the moment I don’t see them regularly. This helps in avoiding clashes…. There are problems associated with having many partners but what I have heard has not happened to me, but I have heard and seen it happening to others.
Mostly people meet at the same time and a fight starts. And if you are a lodger the landlord doesn’t want people to fight at his place, it is difficult.
Also stories of diseases which are now there, it’s tight. I am afraid all the time, condemning my behaviour. What I actually want is to compare the two to find out who has true love, as I have said that my first lover is used to seeing me supporting myself.
Talk about it
My gut reaction was that this woman should dump her first lover ( who does not seem to demonstrate love in a practical way) and find out if her new love can help her buy a new sewing machine. This would give her a “happy ever after” ending, where she has financial independence and is involved with someone who supports her in times of trouble.
Yet, I could not help but notice that she is still comparing the two lovers; trying to make a decision that seems easy from an outsider’s point of view.
So the questions that come up are:
- Why do you think she is staying in the relationship with the first lover?
- What do you think she should do about her two relationships?
- Do you think a lover has a responsibility to help a partner who is struggling so that the partner is not forced into a sex-for-money relationship?
- What can this woman’s community do to help her to regain her financial independence, so she can go back to her old lifestyle where she had only one love?
Share your views by leaving a comment at the end of this post.
