This is the story of a Lesoth woman whose HIV positive husband wanted a son.

Her mother-in-law threatened to dissolve the marriage and send her back to her family if she refused to have more children with her husband, even though they both knew she would get HIV if she had unprotected sex with her husband.

She says:

A year ago my husband Thabiso lost his job in South Africa. He was a miner. He had worked there since 1992, the year we got married. In all that time, my husband came home only twice.

Each time he left me pregnant. We have two lovely daughters. Not so long ago my husband fell ill.

My friend told me to take him to the hospital. He was tested and was HIV-positive. He was put on antiretroviral therapy to help him get better. He is much better now and he wants to have another child, this time a boy.

I talked to Thabiso’s mother about my problem, hoping that she would support me. She told me that our daughters will get married. Then Thabiso won’t have anyone to continue his family name.

I explained to my mother-in-law that if I tried to have another child with my husband, I would be infected with HIV.She threatened me. She said that I would have to be sent back to my family.

I felt very sad and worried. However, I explained to them that it was still possible for us to have a boy by adopting a child.

At first, they said that the child would not be of the family blood. They later agreed and we adopted my late cousin’s children. We are now a happy family.”

Talk about it

What can be done to stop cultural pressures, such as the one where society expects a couple who do not have a son to keep having babies until they get a son? Share some of your suggestions by leaving a comment at the end of this post.

Things to think about

• The decision on how many children to have should be left to the couple.
• The family must respect and support any decision that a couple makes about having children.