Hi there fellow friends. I’M 31 years old and my married lover is 33.
It’s is so hard to talk to the Lord when you are hurt! I’m confused, misrable and frustated, and I so wish I can wake up and feel nothing for my borrowed man.
Sometimes i just ask myself how did I let myself into this kind of situation. I’m in love with my married man, and in the meantime I feel I deserve better, but to tell him we must break up, is not easy for me.
I spend lonely nights crying, waiting for him to call or to come, or to sms me but he doesnt. Once maybe in a week he will call me, then I will be so excited confusing myself that he still want to be with me. I so wish sex wasn’t part of all this misery…
I never wanted him to leave his wife or kids for me and I also do respect him. I don’t call @ night or SMS during weekends, but I want him to make me feel that I’m also part of his life. He is the only man in my life.
I couldn’t spent time with him in December,so first week of January I begged him to come and spend time with me. I started swearing him for the 1st time in our 13 months and his reply was ” STOP BEING A NAG, BECAUSE YOU ARE DRIVING ME AWAY!”
I cried so loud that fateful day, asking myself how do you love somebody that is married, and he knows how you feel about him,, and he still have guts to tell you, YOU ARE A NAG!!!
I want out ASAP, because if i don’t, I will be miserable today until forever.
So guys help me:
1. How do I forget about him?
2. How do I convince myself that there is someone out there who can love me the ay I am supposed to be loved?/
3. How do I tell him “I QUIT!” without me regretting it thereafter?
46 Comments
I have lived through this.
I have been where you are and I know how desperat you feel!
My advise is simple – LET GO! Do not talk to him. Do not see him. Do not mail him.
Then cry your tears. Get angry, feel the hurt, eat too much junk food – allow yourself to mourn the loss of him! And then move on!
He is NOT going to leave – EVER!! Despite what he may tell you and despite what you THINK you want – you do not want him to leave. Your relationship will not be the same as it is if he does leave – I promise you.
If you do not walk away from this it will destroy you.But I do know how very very hard this is!
Hi Damaria
She has to let him go, it will hurt for a while but it will pass, the man is married and is not intending to leave his wife,as soon as she is out of the relationship, the loneliness and misery will fade away.
I’ve been there, done that it does not work, its just painfull.
Oh dear – sorry I didnt see your questions at the end *blush*
1. How do I forget about him? You dont. You will never forget him. But you can distract yourself with hobbies, friends, work – anything that keeps you busy.
2. How do I convince myself that there is someone out there who can love me the ay I am supposed to be loved? You believe it. You learnt to love yourself again and once you have forgiven yourself love will find you.
3. How do I tell him “I QUIT!” without me regretting it thereafter? You do not tell him. You do not owe him that. If you feel you must say something – you send an sms and say “I choose ME because you cant. It is over. Do not contact me again.” and you delete his number!
@bongi – thanks for your contribution.
@laura – wow! thanks for the short step by step guide.
1. How do I forget about him?
A) Don’t even think like that right now. You will not forget him probably, but as time passes he will fall into perspective for you and become a past part of your life that you will feel you were well rid of.
2. How do I convince myself that there is someone out there who can love me the ay I am supposed to be loved?/
A) Don’t even think about that now either or you will frighten yourself into continuing with a destructive non-relationship. Until you are out of the non-relationship you will never know if there is someone else out there for you. You have to make a leap of faith. Deep inside you know you can do it too. Dig down to that part of you and yank it up to the top.
3. How do I tell him “I QUIT!” without me regretting it thereafter?
A) This is two questions:
a) You do not even have to tell him you quit! You just QUIT! Full stop. The same way he would if it were him, and believe me there will come a day. And that day is not far off by the sounds of it. The very fact that you are now a ‘nagger’ as far as he is concerned means your days are numbered as far as he is concerned. DO NOT LET HIM BE IN THE POWER POSITION here. You DO NOT want to wait for him to just stop contacting you or sms you with some nasty comment.
b) You will feel regret, but it is not really regret, it is fear. Being scared is normal, it is okay. I promise you that you will not regret it, and the sooner you stop making contact with him and further, cutting him off if he calls you, not answering the door if he comes round, the better. You will not REGRET it.
You can get good sex elsewhere. What you need is to feel good about yourself, and you are keeping yourself in a position where someone else is being given the right to put you down and cause you to feel unworthy. Don’t let someone else do that; don’t do that to yourself either, because that is actually what you are doing. You are saying, I am not worthy, I will not find anyone else, I am not worth much because he does not want to be with me, or call me etc.
You will feel lonely, you will cry, you will think, if only, but you need to understand that that is part of the process, and it happens to people when someone dies, when they get divorced, a long or short relationship ends. It will make you stronger, and you will then know that you can stand alone with pride. When you have pride in yourself, others will come to you, want to be with you.
I do sympathise with you, but you do need to STOP. Like that ICE advert – Stop, Collaborate and Listen, heheh. Do all of those things with yourself, and you will feel so proud of yourself, I promise. Not right away, but bit by bit you will realise you are turning corners and moving on – leaving a scumbag behind you to wallow in his own crummy life.
There are better things waiting for you out there, even if you cannot see them yet.
Good luck.
@corinna – thank you so much for taking the time to comment and address each issue raised by one love. Much appreciated.
thanks so much, for your advices and comments
i am starting this weekend and i want to be honest that i’m not going to be hard on myself
I, will post again after i have made decision
his birthday is this coming sunday 31/01/31, i am not sure if i must call or sms,,,,
eish eish eish
THANKS
Eish, girl!
Do not call, do not SMS. Return his birthday present to the shop, take the money and have yourself a fabulous Sunday.
I’m so with Michele:-)
its not easy to forget the person who was once part or your life but you have to let it go of him,its then you find the love of ur life,the man of your dreams.as for his birthday,dont call him,just pretent its just another normal day,he is going to ask himself questions but thats his problem,not even an valentime sms.good luck girl.
i would like to take this time and thank each and everyone one of you for your support during difficult time of breaking up with my married lover. today i can stand tall and say it wasn’t easy but worth it. it was too painfull to go through all this but your support and prayers kept me going. i love you all. thanks once again for not judging me. today i am focused, and stronger than yesterday. i broke up with him, i left him for good. in future i will never ever let myself into this kind of situation.
i wrote him long letter, he couldnt believe it, he wanted us to discuss it, i said no.
i told him i want someone who will appreciate and love only me.. i deserve it, for the person i am. i told him i am a good woman and in my life i need a good man, who will be there for me 365 days
this site rocks, it made difference in my life
@ least i’ve got something better to do, my studies, i have joined the church choir
i love you all
I am so glad you were able to do this and start the steps to becoming you again. It is good that you have studies to focus on as well. The healing process has begun, and you will move forward from here on. If you feel the need to cry at times over it – do so, let go; that is also part of the healing process.
I am not into praying, but I wish you all the very best as you go forward with YOUR life.
@onelove – I’m so glad that we were able to be there for you, and to offer support in a time when you needed it. And you are right; healing has now begun, and I hope one of these days you’ll meet someone who will love you deeply, respect you and make sure that you are protected at all times.
P.S. Tell friends and family who are in multiple concurrent partnerships and need some help and support about this site. We’re here to help.
Thank you all for your posts, I bookmarked this page and hope it’ll vanish my fears or regrets.
My story is very similar to yours and to other millions of stories that I have heard before but never imagined to be involved in one, which started more than 2 years ago.
Now I know how hard it is to stop this kind of relationship, I’ve been struggling to do it since last July, when I found that he was married.Since then, I’ve been trying to prepare myself to break up with him, it is not my first attempt but this time I feel stronger, I think I can do it.
This time I know he’s not the one for me, I know that this happened to me because I was weak, not because I was in love.
Yesterday I said the big NO and I was really scared. I’ve been trying to make a decision for about six months, when I found he was married.
I am glad that I have found you; reading about women who succeeded makes me feel stronger.I can’t talk to anybody about my problem because nobody knows about it, everyone thinks that I am single for years, a poor unlucky spinster:).
Only women like you can understand how painful it is to say good bye to a man who behaved like a real gentleman, as you were the most precious woman in the world… and then went home to his wife. Thank you all. You are great.
I’m also in the same situation and havebeen for a year. I’ve tried so many times to break it off but we always fell back into it. To top it off he live in another city so I only see him once a month but we talk everyday through out the day. Last sat. I broke it off with him. I had reached my breaking point. I loved him, he said he loved me but everynight I was sleeping alone as he was with her. I was completely faithful, loyal and true to him. We had a very honest relationship and shared everything together. The night I broke up I realized I was becoming resentful and angry at him for everything. I couldn’t take it anymore. I felt like I never wanted to talk to him again. But we did and though we agreed to stay just friends-its hard to make that transition. Just when I thought I was over him, I feel like he has pulled me back int and I’m right back where I started…
@soundingoff – I’m so sorry you’re still being pulled towards him. I’m always suspicious of the “let’s remain friends” song. The reason is that, you’re supposed to heal from the hurt that kind of relationship inflicts on you, and how can you heal when the source of your hurt is still in your life and making you bleed? Let’s stay friends is for his benefit, so he can still hold on to you and draw you in. I think, and there are many people who may disagree with me, that you need to move on. That means, you cut out the source of your hurt, you sew up the wound, and then you let it heal. You don’t stay in some kind of relationship with him.
BTW, cutting him completely out your life is not going to be easy, and it will certainly hurt. But, at least, you will be beginning the next phase of your life.
I am in a similar situation and in so much pain…I am also married. I will be seeing my “friend” today because he says he can’t be romantic with me but he wants to be friends.
I need alot of support from women in the same position. I feel as if I can’t move on.:(
I understand completely.
@tns – I’m sorry for your pain. We are here for you, and please feel free to express how you feel; we won’t judge you.
TNS: we are here for you,, i understand the pain and frustrations of being in a borrowed life. i have been there it hurts so sad! but on this site you’ll be healed, I HAVE
Thank you One Love for your kind words. It’s nice to know that we are helping people.
Well well. If i were you, i would start to ignore him and start going out with real friends who will be there for you and support you and i will bet my salary that you will meet some hunk quicker than you can say “married lover”. Go kick some ass girl dont let him destroy your life……. Life is to short to go and sit and cry over someone like that.
LOL Jannie,I love the way you think!
i am sitting here with tears rolling gently down my face…quiet, just reading…
I (LONG PAUSE HERE…) am feeling so hurt.
in same situation..in love married man…every month he really does seem closer with leaving his wife….first year..just fooling around..now after 2 yrs. 5 months he is finally at point of getting a lawyer…but…hasn’t yet..as much as I am fearful of leaving HIM..he is afraid of leaving his family..not her…fear of hurting the kids…both need to take a leap of faith..i could wait ..sure..like I have been but normal, healthy women of 42 yrs. of age don’t spend most nights alone crying ..waiting, wanting and craving something they can’t have. I have three young kids…am separated (split for other reasons but being with him for last year of marriage made it easier for me to leave)..sometimes I think he came into my life for a reason to help me get out of a toxic relationship…but in the back of my mind I really hoped we would be together..I thought he would split with his wife too…he says he is but come on…when when when… i am sad more then happy..made him centre of life…whole life is on hold…impatient now..very hurt but afraid to let go..i kinda think that I went from husband to him and clinging on to him for comfort cuz then I would have to face my separtion (happened 1 yr. 5 months ago)..I would have to deal with the fact I am alone..and that terrifies me..what if no one will like me…omg see I am scared but I know this isn`t right…I am on a trip right now to think …gave him a time limit…(now) when I go home I am not contacting him…IF he wants me he can come and get me…IT IS SOOOO HARD not emailing him and I didn`t bring phone so am in text withdrawl…if I get back and have an email that says ..YAHOO…then he left his wife…if not then I am just gonna stay not emailing him…I will be afraid to open email at home…God help me morally this is so wrong..I just want to be together..be honest and have a good life…sorry so long
just feel like I had to vent
@jane wood – I hope your venting made you feel better. I am sitting here crying too, you like you. I am in EXACTLY same situation. I feel like my heart is dying. I love him so much, he’s my soul mate, my best friend. But I think he is scared to divorce because he is scared. He doesn’t want to hurt the kids. But what about me. I am being left behind every step of the way. My sweetheart just getting further away from me…
@jane wood and mondays seventh – I’m sorry for your pain.
I am in the same situation. Its getting worse as his wife has a serious back operation coming up and he feels he wants to stay to look after her for the ten weeks after that to support her.
I also struggle with OCD tendencies- obsessive cleaning- and would rather go out than him come round- have always been like that with every person I know though. But sex is difficult as I just worry about the mess to clean up after.
I feel I am pushing him away anyway- shouldn’t these sorts of issues fall away if he’s the right person? Wouldn’t they just not occur to you?
He says he loves me totally and can’t live without me- has never had a real life before me- at least he and his wife were maried v young and its all they knew at the time so that was not meant to be and they have no kids.
But just cos I made him be himself again and wake up to an unhappy marriage doesn’t mean I’m the only one for him- or that he’s the only one for me.
Nor do I think I want a relationship with ANYONE!
You guys seem to know what I’m saying. I need some support – I can’t talk to anyone as they know him or if they don’t they think its my own fault for getting involved.
Hi Sarah
I want to highlight some issues:
1. Our personal problems/issues don’t fall away when we fall in love or we’re loved. That means that if I’m an alcoholic before I meet someone who loves me dearly, I will remain so until I get treatment. The same with OCD. It’s a condition which you may need help for, even though you are loved and secure in your relationship with your man.
2. You don’t sound very certain that he is THE ONE for you. ( And I’m not implying that I believe that that the concept of THE ONE is the only valid one, as some people argue that we have many potential partners and our pairing depends on timing and availability of potential mates). My point is, you say “I feel I am pushing him away anyway” and “Nor do I think I want a relationship with ANYONE.” With that level of uncertainty about your feelings for him and a potential relationship with you partner, should you and your partner really be contemplating the breaking up of his marriage? Do you really want him to leave his wife, when you’re not even sure you want him permanently for yourself?
3. You say your friends say it’s your own fault for getting involved with him. tell them assigning blame doesn’t help. The situation exists, and the only thing that matters is what you are going to do about it, and who is going to support you to get through it.
As for potential plan of action, consider this:
1. You need someone who will listen to you without judging you. Not so that they can give advice or tell you what to do,but so you can HEAR YOURSELF THINK THINGS THROUGH. You need to consider whether you do love this man and trully want a relationship with him; whether your relationship with him is the healthy choice for you ( you notice I don’t say what you want, because sometimes the things we want are not what’s best or healthy for us), and you need someone to help you to manage the process forward, whether it’s breaking up with him, continuing the affair to see where it takes you, or even working with him to build a relationship with him after his marriage.
2. For what it’s worth, our position as OneLove is that there are no secrets or lies in a safe and healthy relationship. Which means, he can’t and shouldn’t expect to have a relationship with you and his wife at the same time, and if a man asks you to be in a multiple sexual relationship, he’s not considering your best interests, no matter how much love he professes to have for you.[ and personally, I generally advice people to watch the loved one’s actions, not listen to soft words they say. It’s easy enough to say how much they love you & how they can’t live without you. But do their actions actually back up their words? Or do the actions say something entirely different? Part of it is probably because I come from a culture where people who love you don’t necessarily tell you with words, and even when they do, they don’t say it often. Yet, you know when you are loved fiercely, because there people show you everyday in big ways and small ways that YOUR NEEDS AND WANTS ARE TOP PRIORITY with them.)
3. If money for a therapist is an issue, maybe there is a local non-profit which offers counselling services for a small stipend?
4. Treatment for OCD. You need to find out what triggers your anxiety, how to manage the condition so that you can cope better. And yes, any partner who loves you likely has to get used to your OCD too.
Anyhoo, good luck and check up on the web site again. We are considering doing an article on how to gauge whether you should break up with your married lover or not.
Girl Please leave him you will realise later that what you did was the best decision you ever took let me tell you ….. i was also involved with a married man we even work together i was madly inlove with him he was even telling me how much he wants to leave his wife for me and he also wants a baby with me… guess what i became pregnant and things started to change he told me that i must have an abortion things are not right with us now all this happened last year December and i went and have that abortion i never heard from him during december no phone call to hear how am i ….. and then January when we returned to work he wanted to act all lovey dovey but because i was also still inlove with him i let him play me again….. he said we must talk and i also wanted that but when i started asking difficult questions and seeing him not being able to answer i realised that there is seriously no future here…. i am just wasting my time his already have everything why would he build anything with me …. from that day i left him untill now, i guess he thought i was playing and i will come back crawling to him but i haven’t and i won’t.
So i am saying is leave him he is just wasting your time…. there are more decent single guys outthere who wants the same thing as you.. which love.
@lerato – thanks for sharing your story. Also glad that you were finally able to see that your man did not have your best interests at heart. Wishing you the best, and hope you will meet a man who loves you and values you and is faithful to you.
Jane be strong! try and maitain a strict no
contact policy and stick with it. do not
contact him until you are completely sure you no longer want to be with him.
sometimes when i look back,,, i just smile and realise it was the best decision ever to make and leave him, ” remember i was called a nag” hahha hahahha…. give your self time to accept the situations and read this site and you’ll realise you not alone
love you all Guyz,,,,, you rock
I have been exactly where you are. And to make things worse had a baby with him thinking that he will leave and be with us – his new family as he didn’t have children with his wife and really wanted a son. What a stupid thing to think. Nothing changed. I was still ‘the other woman’ and even though he spent a little more time with me and the baby it just didn’t fill the void I felt. So I decided to LET GO. I didn’t tell him this. I just became less available, started going out with colleagues and realised I deserve so much better and that there is more to life than wanting to be with a man. I still saw him regularly as he continued seeing his son, but with time the feelings I had for him just became less and less. And one day I just realised that all feelings had gone. I still see him weekly when he collects his son for the weekend and we are civil with each other. I must say it was the best thing I could have done for myself just letting go. I’m still in no relationship but I have such a fulfilling experience raising my son and having a load of friends that are more to me than any man could ever be.
So just be strong and let go. Its the only way. I wish you well as it is not an easy thing to do
@kiki – It’s so nice to hear from someone who has actually managed to let go. I hope it inspires other people who feel trapped in the relationship and fear they are never going to be able to walk away and heal.
Many thanks.
hi everyone “HELP” i am so unhappy iv been in a relationship with my “borrowed lover”for over 6 years now we have a 4 year old daughter we started as friends for about 2 years and he was always there for me i was ending an emotionally unstable relationship he was my very best friend.and still is my friend but im hurting soooo much because i know i deserve more i want more i want to be with him so badly but i know he cant give me that im very scared to leave him i dont want to miss him terribly but i know i will. its also very difficult because we are employed at the same place so i have no choice but to see him every day.he says he loves me and that he’s not going anywhere. and that he doesnt know what he would do without me,but i still sleep alone every night am very lonely,and incredibly unhappy.please help me with this one……
@Nina – sorry to hear about your troubles. I’ve published your letter in the front page of our web site and as a discussion point, to solicit more input from many of our readers. The published letter ( was slightly edited for spelling and clarity), and the post also includes some advice from some of our readers. I hope you find their advice, and more that I hope will be coming in, usefuul.
http://www.onelovesouthernafrica.org/index.php/im-afraid-to-leave-my-married-lover-because-i-rely-on-his-emotional-support-reader-letter/
I am involved with the married man he loves me so much, but I feel so stupid when I need to accept that the wife is around I cant call him or see him. I need to send him a breaking up letter please help me to do so.
People never think of this, but if you can move away. I had a girl once I tried to get rid of for over 2 years. I would bang her for a few weeks, but her shit stunk and I just didn’t like her attitude. I would leave on a Wednesday and that weekend she would go out and screw a guy and then come Monday would call me and beg me to come back. I would go back everytime. I wish I had left, because when I would break up with her I didn’t get another girlfriend.
Because it’s your time being wasted. It might even do you good. Once I was in Tennessee and met a girl and she wanted me to call her and go out the next night. But all I did was leave and go home. Hey, it works both ways too.
The thing is unless you have lived a stellar life believe me you’ve got more enemies than friends. If you’ve been a barfly. If you’ve slept with a hundred people. If you’ve done illegal stuff, then it would do you good to get away. Because the bad people you know you can never get away from them. They come around when they want you to help them. In a new place you could pick your friends. You would know which ones to avoid.
In my area there is a lot of crack smokers and they come by my house every now and then.
It’s not as hard as you think. In fact there are lots of places you can go and have fun like where you like to vacation. People never think hey instead of just a vacation I can live there and have a vacation everyday.
Like in Gatlinburg Tennessee. Or if you like the heat maybe Orlando or Key West Florida.
You don’t have to live where you grew up. My mother can because she has no enemies, but I have had sex with 100 sluts and I know a lot of nasty people, because it’s easy to meet them in bars.
Hi Everyone please help i have a situation where i love a man but he has no time for me we had fights in the past which led to him cheating on me with his baby’s mother and we managed to fix things from that time but now he has started again with lots of stories about not having enough time to come and see me and when i tell him that i am busy he says i am cheating on him but now i am starting to think that our relationship is not working for me cause he gets to do whatever suits his schedule but i have to compromise my own wants .. it feels like i am the one who wants to be with him and he is out there seeking something else. I really wanted this to work but i don’t know what to do anymore… right now he went to Piertersburg and his phone is off he hasn’t phoned me i don’t even believe he went there… Please tell me what can i do to get out of this..
Hi Maude
Your letter indicates a huge lack of trust from both your sides. You say he accused you of cheating on him, and you don’t even think he went where he said he was going.
Here are some of the articles, whwe hope can help you:
What to do if you suspect that your lover is cheating on you:
ich
http://www.bona.co.za/index.php?pIGcms_nodesIGcms_nodesUID=c4a946acd57bc1b1e70e8fe82097ab7e
When you do have evidence that he is cheating on you:
http://www.onelovesouthernafrica.org/index.php/a-way-forward-if-you-get-evidence-that-your-partner-has-mcps/
Rebuilding Trust ( if you both decide the relationship can be salvaged
http://www.onelovesouthernafrica.org/index.php/a-way-forward-if-you-get-evidence-that-your-partner-has-mcps/
Breaking up ( the artcle addresses the issue if the man is married. But the same principle applies even if he is not married.
http://www.onelovesouthernafrica.org/index.php/how-to-break-up-with-a-married-man/
I hope that these article help. Please feel free to come back and talk to us some more about the issue. Many of our readers have been through this and they know that breaking up with someone who you love always hurts. But you have to be strong and do what is best for your health.
Hi Damaria
I understand what you saying and it is true i don’t trust him since he did cheat on me with the girl he has a child with, because they do keep in contact because of the child so i won’t know if his cheating again with her and especially now when he has no time to spend with me, things has changed between us so drastically, weeks go by without seeing each other and we don’t do the things we used to as a couple his doing his things but i can’t … i decided to send him a message telling him that i think we should end things between us since he has no time to be with me, and he is always lying to me even about little things…. and then he phoned me and i decided not to answer since i don’t want to ague about obvious things which we both know. so i don’t want to speak to him i think its best for us to be apart.
Hi Maude
Good luck. And please work out in your mind the reasons you decided to break up with him, and why you should stand fast with your decision. This is especially important if you end up meeting with him in person and he demands an explanation, or tries to talk you into getting back together.
i need some help to understand this relationship i been in for a 1yr /5months with this guy thats 31 and im 36 we starting having feeling for one another within the relationship he was always telling me he love me and that he wanted to be with . but at first i wasnt believing him . but he always begging and telling me and showing me that he really love me. but the only promblem that i had with him we wasnt spending that much time together because he had two fulltime jobs .so he quit one the first of the year . and was telling me now we be able to spend time with each other more because his other fulltime job is nights and he rotates monthly. but like a day after he told me this .i get a phone call asking do i no him and that he’s been married for 11 yrs. but he never mentioned this to me the whole 1yr./5mths. we been talking but they havent been together they seperated. i knew about the baby momma but gave me all kinds of story that hell never get back with her. but to find out the babby momma is the wife. something happen that she had to moved back in with him with there 7yr. old child. so my feeling was hurt and all causes i couldnt believe he lead me on that he wanted to be with and that he loved me swearing and everything and still is telling me that he was not lying when he said he love me and want to be with me . but i feel so hurt and betrade because i really did have feeling for him now he calling and appologizing but i think i will never have nothing else to do with him cause i feel like i cant trust him anymore. cause he never told me from the get go that he was married . maybe if he told me i couldve took it more better but nall she got my number out his phone and call me. now he feeling bad cause he no that he hurt me and saying that he still love me and he want to be with me. and this situation is something he couldnt controlled this something out the blue she pop up. cause she couldnt been living with him because he staying the nights over here constantly r i was down at his but i so confuse . but i believe i got let to go cause how he played me stupid
someone please hit me back and let me know something about this situation
I want to tell all woman in love with married men GET OUT NOW. He will never leave his wife and he will slowly get you use to being No2 in his life. It’s heartache over and over again. Do not trust him because obviously he is not trustworthy. Don’t feel bad about falling in love with him or his wife or his kids, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. I’ve been a therapist for 35 years and 99% of cases like this end just as I stated above. He plays you and then he drops you
I dont know if this post is still active or not…. but i want to express my admiration for you OneLove….
i am in a very similar situation, only i am a gay man seeing a married guy.
He confuses me with emotion, saying he loves me, he wants to see me etc.
but the truth of the matter is he can only seem to fit me in for an hour or two each week.
I hurt so much, knowing he is at home with his family, playing the loyal father and husband, knowing the whole time what a true scumbag he really is.
The problem is i still love him, i think of him constantly and want so much for this pain to go away.
Everytime i say to myself, enough is enough, we will never have him… something inside also tells me i will be lonely and upset if i let him go, even though he is not completely mine.
Today i saw him for the first time in over a week for a brief hour or so, i told him how i feel and yet again he tried to change the subject, we ended up in bed as per usual….
but something happened when he left, i realised he does’nt really love me, he has been using me for months, knowing he can get away with it.
So from Today, even though my self esteem as been dragged to its lowest level and my eyes are red from crying, i’ve made a decision and i so want to stick to it…
i am not going to contact him again, i will ignore his pleads, and the few and seldom messages or calls will be deleted, my life started to die the day i met him, but to be strong again and start enjoying life, i have to do this.
Hi
I was just googling “how can i forget about my marrried boyfriend” as I am in the same situation. However my boyfriend I “know” my married boyfriend loves me, he just can’t leave his kids. Even so i need to get away as he is obviously not going to leave and I need to move on as the relationship is destroying. Always hoping he will leave and never does. I am so glad I found this website it has given me the strength to end things finally and move on. I will never forget him he is my soul mate and the love of my life, but I need to find someone who will put me first. Thanks to you all and good luck with your relationships too
xxx
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