During research on multiple concurrent partnerships some people said that they looked for more partners because their regular partners did not satisfy them sexually.
So we looked at some of the reasons some couples fail to satisfy each other, and offered tips on how to talk to your partner to about your sex life.
Today we have invited Nana Darkoa, who blogs at Adventures From The Bedrooms Of African Women, to talk to us about how couples can get what they want sexually.
Remember: it is safer to look for sexual satisfaction in your relationship, rather with multiple partners who increase your risk of getting HIV.
12 Things a woman must do if she wants to have great, mind-boggling sex
Everybody wants good sex, right?
No! There are actually some people who do not want sex, whether good or bad (for a variety of reasons) but that is a subject for another post.
This post is for those who want to have great, mind-boggling sex and is based on my thoughts and personal knowledge. For that reason, I am writing principally from the point of view of an African woman and speaking primarily to African women.
In my opinion there a couple of things a woman must do if she wants to have great, mind-boggling sex:
- Make up your mind that you are entitled to have good sex. Good sex is your right and not a privilege or happy accident. If you are entitled to have good sex you will take personal responsibility for ensuring that sex is pleasurable for you. If you want more foreplay tell your partner so, if you want your partner to touch a specific spot say so. A comment as direct as ” I want you to touch my clit” works wonders.
- Learn to masturbate. Masturbating is a great way to learn how to give your body pleasure. If you can bring yourself to orgasm you can show your partner how to bring you to orgasm
- Feel shy and do it anyway. Yes, sometimes we all feel self-conscious. Maybe we have a new partner, maybe we have put on weight, maybe, maybe, maybe…it really doesn’t matter. Even if you feel shy about telling your partner what you want just try it anyway. I think most (unselfish) partners just want to please you so would be only too thrilled if you made it easier for them.
- Experiment from time to time. Yes, sex in the same old way, same old time and same old place can get boring. Send your partner a sexy SMS, wear some revealing underwear, wear no underwear…switch it up to keep your excitement levels high
- Learn how to have good sex. No one teaches us how to have good sex (or do they?) so read books about sex, check out some of the tips at www.adventuresfrom.com, ask your friends what works for them (if you are comfortable discussing sex with your friends) but most of all practice. If you have been having bad sex or mediocre sex it will take a little bit of time and attention to change your sex life from humdrum to va va voom!
- Only have sex with considerate partners. Surely, this should have been my first point. Some partners are plain selfish and only consider their own pleasure. If you are with someone like this you need to “advice yourself.”
Make sex safer
- Make sex safer - use a condom. The stress of unsafe sex totally negates any great sex you may have indulged in.
- Make foreplay the “main” play. The majority of women do not orgasm during penetrative sex. Ensure you climax during foreplay. Any additional orgasms can then be a bonus.
- Never fake an orgasm. It’s counter-productive.
- Give feedback during sex. Tell your partner how you feel, moan if you want to moan, scream if you want to scream – just turn the radio up.
- Be a freak! The “bedroom” or wherever else you choose to have sex is no place to be shy. Discuss what you really want with your partner and if he/she is game (and its legal) try it out.
- Don’t do anything you do not want to do. We all have our limits and boundaries. Know what yours are and outline the boundaries clearly.
Enjoy trying out these suggestions and let me know your thoughts.
Nana Darkoa blogs at The Adventures From The Bedrooms Of African Women at www.adventuresfrom.com
Talk about it
What would you add to Nana’s list?
6 Comments
I guess good sex is not just on your blog its on One Love too. I do like the idea about expression and communication during sex. And I just dont know why some people especially the ladies fake orgasm.
@ Edward- Unfortunately women sometimes think that when the sex is bad, it’s their fault. So they fake an orgasm so they can give the man he impression that they are sexually responsive, (read sexually attractive, because no one wants to make love with a person who does not find THEM attractive). Also, if you’re not enjoying it, it’s a way to get the session to end without hurting a man’s feelings. Much better than ” are you done yet?” they reckon. BUT, the lies that surround the fake orgasm mean that the partner does not actually find out what the woman does like..putting her in a vicious cycle.
Although this blog entry speaks primarily to African women, I believe it benefits ALL women.
If I were to stress a point that would help a woman have great sex, it would be the very first point Nana listed.
Yes, Nana,
you have done it again. So proud of you and the knowledge you share with the African blogosphere.
I totally agree, especially with point 7., but recently realized many people also like the “danger” of unprotected sex. Maybe the pleasure of using a condom needs to be elaborated on?
More good sex to those who want it!
@Edward – Yep, we’re spreading the word about good sex. Thanks for the support
@Mike – Thank you, I like to think so too…although I consciously address African women. True, for me as well, point number 1 is numero uno
@Kajsa – Thank you Kajsa. Hmmm, are you offering to write a guest post on the pleasure of using a condom?
i agree but i want to know does the women satisfy with use of condom because of my experience i think no