Still, we have to deal with many feelings in the beginning:

Shock

You may not want to believe what you hear. Your brain is spinning, and you think that they made a mistake. They’ll sort it out as soon as they do another test, and find out that doctors mixed up your test results with someone else’s.

Anger

You may be angry with your partner and blame him or her for infecting you. This is especially true if your partner cheated on you and you did not know it.

You may also be angry with yourself for having unprotected sex, for trusting your partner when he/she said he/she loved you,  for failing to end the relationship, or failing to use condoms when you found he/she was cheating on you. Remember that anger also hurts you.

Fear

You may be afraid of how your family, friends and community will react. You may also be afraid of being sick and dying.

Remember that are medicines that can help you to control the progress of the disease, so you live a long and healthy life.

Eating well will also help you to stay healthy. Also, make sure that you talk to people who can help and support you.

Get counselling from your local healthcare provider, and join a support group of HIV positive people and their families for additional help.

Guilt

You may blame yourself for having unprotected sex. This is also true if you suspect that you are the one who infected your current partner.

Learn to forgive yourself, and forgive the person who infected you. Guilt, like anger, will eat you up, and bring you no benefits. Remember: Hope gives you strength to cope with your feelings.

Tips for healthy eating

• Eat lots of fruits and vegetables every day; these foods help your body to fight sickness.
• Eat lots of beans, lentils, soya mince and tinned fish; they are cheaper if you cannot afford to buy meats or chicken, all these foods build the body and help keep you strong.
• Add some butter, oil, milk, peanut butter or nuts to your food; this will give you energy and help you stay the same weight.
• Have milk and yoghurt every day; this will help you digest your food.
• Eat lots of brown rice, brown bread, pap and samp; these foods give you energy.
• Drink 6 to 8 grasses of water every day.

Join Dr. Chiweza, Pastor Mussa, Penjani and Carol on next week’s program.

Here’s the OneLove radio schedule

Talk about it

You can also share your views by leaving a comment at the end of this post.

And sometimes, it may even be difficult. What’s important is that you always talk and listen to one another and do as much as possible to keep your sexual relationship working.

If you have a new-born baby, your sexual relationship might be difficult for 6 months or longer, says SoulSEX, a new 44-page sex guide published by the Soul City Institute.

This is really a time when talking, listening, caring and supporting one another is so important. You both need to be patient and understanding. After all, there is a tiny little person in your life.

A man needs to remember that a mother of a new-born baby is often sore after giving birth and her body needs to recover. She may also be tired from nights of being up with the baby and from breastfeeding. What’s more a man needs to understand the mother’s natural motherly feelings about giving her baby as much attention, love and care as possible.

Fathers can help look after babies. This will take some of the strain off the new mother.

A new mother needs to understand that the father of a new-born baby also wants her attention, love and care. What’s more, a woman needs to remember that today many fathers want to help with their new-born babies and don’t want to be left out.

Also, there are a few men who were present at the birth of their child who find that they are very distressed by what they have seen. “Some of them feel so guilty at the pain their partner has gone through that they are unable to even consider the idea of making love with her again. This is usually just a passing phase, but not always,” says Dr David Delvin at netdoctor.com.uk.

Fathers who feel like this should seek help from a counsellor to discuss his feelings, he says.

Will childbirth change your sex life?

Definitely, says Delvin. “Please don’t expect that everything will instantly return to normal. Men are particularly likely to believe this; a lot of young blokes think that they’ll be able to have intercourse as soon as their partner gets home from hospital. But that just isn’t true,” he says.

Dr Delvin notes that childbirth is a traumatic process for a woman. “Having a baby pass through her vagina is almost like having a small explosion go off inside her. The delicate vaginal tissues are inevitably strained, bruised and torn - and it takes some weeks for these injuries to heal up,” he says.

He adds that childbirth also involves very considerable hormone changes and emotional stress. As a result, very few women feel “rampagingly sexy until a long time after they have given birth,” he says.

However, a couple can engage in non-penetrative sex while they wait for the woman to heal. And that, too, can bring its own fun, and help the couple maintain a sexual closeness. For more details on some of the non-penetrative sexual activities you can do, download SoulSEX.

Also note that non-penetrative sexual activities should exclude cunnilingus for the first few weeks after childbirth, which could introduce infection into the vagina and womb.

Is sex going to be the same?

As previously mentioned in the introduction of this article, love-making will change as we go through various stages of our lives. However, that does not mean that it can’t be fun/as or even more rewarding than before childbirth. And yes, the vagina of a woman who had a natural childbirth will not go back to its original shape.

As Kelly Winder at Bellybelly.com.au notes: “The vagina is designed like a piano accordion - it is actually designed to stretch open. Memories of trying to insert a tampon for the first time or the first sexual encounter may suggest to women that giving birth to a baby will be even worse. But the body is very capable and in fact designed to do this.

Another help is that the baby is slippery, covered in vernix or at least wet with amniotic fluid. This lubrication will help the baby move through the birth canal.”

This means that the vagina is designed to stretch for childbirth and revert back to its original position afterwards, she says.

“The result of vaginal birth is an increase in blood supply to the area. This can result in women becoming more orgasmic after vaginal birth. This effect may be reduced if the pelvic floor is weak, however a women’s health physiotherapist can teach women how to correctly exercise these muscles to improve strength.”

Baby steps

According to Delvin, a couple should begin sexual intercourse gently after childbirth. If possible, try and find a time of the day when you are not too worn out, he says. Also, try to find a time when the baby is not likely to wake up, so you can have some peace and quiet.

“Hormone changes and worry can lead to some women experiencing vaginal dryness for the first three months after giving birth. But you don’t take hormones for this. Instead, buy lubricants over the counter from a pharmacist,” he says.

He also notes that a couple should choose a position in which the woman can control the pace and depth of penetration for the first few sessions of sex after childbirth, a position with her on top, or one where both partners lie side-by-side facing each other, may be more comfortable, he says.

Lastly, here are some ideas to stop your children from walking in when you are making love:

• Lock the door.
• Ask a friend to look after them when you arrange a special time for yourselves as a couple.
• Make love somewhere else (outside the home).
• Make sure your children are fast asleep.

Download SoulSEX