One of the reasons we have multiple concurrent partners is that we may be involved in long-distance relationships, and we feel unable to spend the time of separation alone without a partner.

However, having multiple concurrent partners puts us at risk of getting HIV, regardless of the reasons. In view of this, it is a healthier choice to have one love and be faithful to that partner, even if the relationship is long-distance.

Here are some tips to help your long-distance relationship survive and thrive:

Have trust and honesty

• You need trust and honesty to keep any relationship strong, especially a long- distance one.  If you do not trust your partner, you will probably spend a lot of time worrying if he or she is being faithful to you.
• If you do not trust your partner, speak to him or her about your worries.
• Be honest with your partner. This means sharing your thoughts and feelings with him or her, even if those feelings are difficult or upsetting.

Enjoy your personal space

Being alone for a while is good. It allows you to spend more time with yourself and on things that you enjoy.

Get to know each other differently

When you and your partner are not together, you cannot have sex with each other. But you can spend more time talking to each other and getting to know each other in new ways.

Communicate regularly and in a meaningful way

Keeping in touch with your partner will take some effort and money, but it helps to keep your relationship alive. You can communicate in many different ways:

• Phone each other as often as you can.
• If you cannot phone, send an SMS to let your partner know you are thinking of him or her.
• Write love letters and poems to your partner. Writing to each other can bring some romance back into the relationship.
• Request/dedicate songs for each other on a radio station that you both listen to.
• Make time to visit each other. This may sometimes be difficult because of work, money or children, but make the time to see each other during the separation.

Talk about your fears

You might worry if your partner is being faithful to you. If this happens, think about the good things you did together as a couple. Listen to your partner’s favourite music or think about your last conversation together. If you are really worried, then talk to your partner about it.

Talk to friends you trust

This is a good way to remind yourself and others that your partner is a big part of your life, even though he or she is far away.

Sex and physical contact

This can be the most difficult part of a long-distance relationship.
Remember to value your relationship. Think of your loved one whenever you feel tempted to have sex with other people. You can also pleasure yourself with masturbation.

Remember your commitment

Being away from your partner will help you to remember all the good things about being around him or her. Listen to music you both love or put up reminders of your beloved, like his or her photograph. This can make your relationship stronger.

During the difficulties of a long-distance relationship, remember why you made the decision to stay faithful to your partner. Remember that you will not always be apart. Look forward to the time when you will be together again.

Acknowledgements

This article was excerpted from a booklet entitled OneLove: Life And Love With One Partner. The 44-page relationship book was published by Desert Soul as part of the in-country campaign in Nambia.

Contents include the following topics:

• Loving relationships
• HIV and AIDS
• Sex with more than one partner
• Staying protected from HIV
• Marriage
• Sex in a loving relationship
• Communication
• Making choices
• Surviving long-distance relationships
• Culture
• What you can do about HIV
• Helpful people and places

Download OneLove: Life And Love With One Partner