This 16-page book was developed as part of the OneLove campaign in Zimbabwe

The first thing to remember about having a loving relationship is that relationships are built on communication, openness and trust. Here are some communication tips:

1. Be genuine – what you say must be real and true.
2. Be accepting – you should treat the person you are talking to as a human being with feelings and behaviours that matter.
3. Observe and comment – if you point out to your partner how they are looking and acting, you will make them more aware. For instance, if they say it’s okay to talk, but then don’t pay attention to you, you could say: “You say it’s okay, but you don’t seem to be listening to me”.
4. Question – you can use open-ended questions to learn more. For example, if you have asked your partner to help you make dinner, you can ask, “How do you feel about that?”
5. Listen actively – while you are listening, pay attention to what the person you are talking to is saying, as well as how they are saying it, and what they are doing with their facial expressions and body movements while they are saying it.
6. Clarify – check that you have understood by asking questions. For instance you could say to your partner, “Am I right that you don’t really want to make dinner?”
7. Tolerate Silence – Give the person you are talking to time to think – don’t jump in and talk when there is a silence.
8. Do not judge - Accept your partners’ thoughts and actions without imposing your opinions or values.
9. Empathise – Try to understand your partner’s experience and let them know that you understand – for example, “I care about what is happening to you right now”.
10. Summarise - A good summary includes what has been said as well as the thoughts and feelings around what has been said. It helps people see where they were, where they are and where they are going. It shows that you have listened to what your partner has expressed.
11. Conclude – if you have been talking about an important issue, it is important that you end the discussion by clarifying what actions both of you have decided to take. If you both use these tips when you talk to one another, then communicating will be easier.

This article is an excerpt from A Loving Relationship – Finding It and Keeping It, a relationship book published by OneLove partners in Zimbabawe. The book was funded by Zimbabwe’s National AIDS Council and UNFPA.

Download A Loving Relationship – Finding It and Keeping It (English)

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